so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
