if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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