im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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