Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
