I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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