I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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