He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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