im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Randomize
