Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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