how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize