I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I just want nice things and good sex
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
