just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
