As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
