Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
50% drunk capacity currently
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
