So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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