Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
