just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I enjoy the company of your penis
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
