dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
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