just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Randomize
