ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
