All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Randomize
