what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
