Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
