I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
