carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Randomize