My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Randomize
