When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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