I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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