did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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