I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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