Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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