"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
