I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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