I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize
