I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
