this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
is that a dick in a sweater?
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
