either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Randomize
