Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
