If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
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