So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
