I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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