I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
My breasts were aching with rage.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
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