whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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