Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
