I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
