I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
