I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Randomize
