The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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