First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
