You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
