but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize