I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize