Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Randomize
