maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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