I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
