Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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