Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
