I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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