I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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