dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I AM VODKA MAN
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
