Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
