My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Randomize
