she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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