I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Text me some of your sweat
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
