I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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