her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
