His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
