He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
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