If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize