My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
