I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
