ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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