if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
