I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
