I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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